12 December 2017

First Christmas.

Dari beberapa minggu lalu gue dan sang suami aga contemplating about apakah kita perlu beli Christmas tree atau ngga. Sempet terbersit untuk ga usah beli dan mau bikin aja, tapi suwer tahun lalu gue udah buat Christmas tree and 1) buatnya lama, 2) ngebuangnya kaga tega meski buntut-buntutnya discrap juga oleh nyokap dan nci gue :') 3) tahun depannya kudu muter otak lagi mau buat tree kayak gimana.

Not to mention setiap kali ke mall dan ngeliat pohon natal dijual, kita berdua selalu gemes dan ga tahan untuk have it in our house! Haha akhirnya beberapa hari lalu kita beli deh yang kecil, ga gitu makan tempat untuk our tiny living room, tapi pastinya tetep pretty and eye-catching.

We're so glad we decided to buy it (escpecially this type!) Fyi kita beli yang tipe jarum dan ada saljunya, it's cuter in my opinion compared to the regular Christmas tree :3

Anyway, if you know me and my husband, we both happen to prefer simple and plain stuffs over the merry ones. That's why for now we are happy with our 'naked' tree, but maybe we'll add some ornaments (or not) later, we'll see! <3









08 December 2017

Migrating from Telkomsel to XL.

HM oke, dari judulnya aja udah keliatan post ini bakal 'penting' banget buat dibahas. Hahaha. Setelah kurang lebih 4 (atau 5 gue lupa) tahun pake Telkomsel, akhirnya I changed my provider to XL. Ada beberapa hal yang pengen gue bahas tentang hal ini.

Telkomsel

Alesan kenapa gue finally pindah:

- Di rumah gue di Modernland kaga ada sinyal
- Kalo mau telpon harus ke balkon
- Saking susah sinyal kadang nunggu OTP sampe rambut gue bejamur
- Harga paket internet mahal (banget! Ini alasan utama gue ilfil sih, haha kere ya aku.)
- Doi pelit (lihat point di atas)
- Kalo Tcash inactive kelamaan kita akan dicas 10k perbulan (which menurut gue violating our rights! Kecuali dari awal register udah dikasih tau! Maling banget!)
- Suka banyak iklan (kayak Indihome, again, violating our rights!)

Terus dengan bodohnya gue main kosongin pulsa Tsel dan langsung ganti SIM ke XL. Jreng, only after that that I remember kalau Mandiri E-cash sama Rekening Ponsel CIMB gue masih ada funds. Akhirnya gue changed back ke SIM card Tsel dan minta dikirimin sang suami pulsa lagi untuk proses pindahin duitnya (karena bank perlu kirim sms ke hp lu, jadi hp lu ga boleh kering pulsanya).

Rekening Ponsel CIMB

- Ga ada kesulitan at all, tapi register ulang dan kosongin all those funds ntah kenapa triggered a lot of sms brengsek yang ternyata memakan pulsa gue hampir 4k. Eshol.

Mandiri E-cash

- Yang ini gue suwe. Gue terlanjur milih opsi "change SIM card" yang ended up signing me up to new number dengan funds 0. Sigh. Awalnya I thought this gonna transfer all my money automatically ke XL, apparently not. Gembel.
- Begitu gue coba login balik ke Tsel (setelah ganti SIM card lagi), ntah kenapa sms verifikasinya won't go through. Pft hate malife.
- Terus gue coba transfer lewat Line Pay (yang notabene kesambung sama Mandiri E-cash) tapi OTP kaga mau masuk juga meski gue udah Kim Jongkok di balkon. Sampah. (Hahaha and by sampah I meant my joke :p)
- Akhirnya you know what worked? Pake cara jadul ketik *141*6# dan kaga pake lama langsung berhasil. JRENG. Emang at the end of the day if technology fails, always refer back to the old but gold way.
- Anyway gue sempet nyemprot cust service Mandiri yang sumpah ora ada guna. Emailnya panjang kali lebar kali tinggi sampe 3 paragraf tapi ga ada sedikitpun kasih gue pencerahan or actually answer my damn question tentang gimana cara pindahin fundsnya ke nomor baru. Lucky me after everything fails gue kepikiran dial si 141, kalo ngga kan ribet. Isinya beneran cuma basa-basi busuk doang tuh CS.
- Gue jadi mikir gimana fitur-fitur baru dari bank itu memang bukan untuk golongan tua, karena kita aja yang golongan muda harus muter otak sampe otak keram when facing problems karena cs nya kaga helping at all.

But anyway, I am so glad I changed my number (meski kemarin sempet ngetes di beberapa daerah di deket rumah, kayaknya sinyalnya ga sekenceng Telkomsel, tapi paling ngga in my own home jauh lebih kenceng haha). Nomor XL gue yang baru gue matching-in sama my primary bank acc number and I'm feeling pretty good when looking at it : >

#maklum #perempuansentimentil

Haha dudubay! <3

Nasib.

Kemarin malem jalan-jalan ke mall beli underwear, lalu terjadi percakapan ini sama mba-mba penjualnya:

C: Mba, ada celana yang bahannya katun aja ga?
M: Ada, buat hamil ya.
C: *Literally loading 2 detik* .. Ngga mba.
M: Oo yang biasa ya.

...

05 December 2017

Peekmybook jualan agenda 2018.

Senin kemarin was amazing! Peekmybook kinda leveled up, and a lot of new things happened yesterday and I couldn't be more grateful <3

Peemybook is definitely one of the best things that ever happened to me. Not only it earns me money (hahahaha), tapi more importantly ngerjain hal ini setiap hari ngasih gue a lot of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfilment di dalam hidup.

It's still beyond perfect of course; dan gue definitely masih kalah sama artist-artist di luar sana yang menurut gue jauh lebih berbakat in the terms of designing, drawing, and marketing their stuffs. Tapi kalau kata salah satu pepatah favorite gue,

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." -Confucius

It's been almost 5 years since Peekmybook was born, and I am not stopping anytime soon. <3

---

Ps: maap judulnya aga kurang asem. Hihi.
Pss: supaya dimaapkan please accept this secret discount code "ASIKDISKON" yang bisa dipake di www.peekmybook.com. Masukin kodenya di check out page to get IDR 19K off. Cuma buat agenda 2018 dan gue jatahin 5 orang aja yah.







MUAHAHA seru yah main rahasia-rahasiaan begini. Qiqiqi oke dudubay! <3

30 November 2017

Moved on.

I think the last time gue stay awake ga tidur sampe jam 6 pagi itu pas gue kuliah di Aussie. It happened once pas gue masih di Malaysia juga. Setiap kali kejadian pasti karena gue keasikan nonton kdrama, atau ntah lah ngapain yang pasti doing something fun for me.

Today, to my surprise, I stayed awake sampe pagi, sampe ujan gede selesai, sampe langit udah terang dan suara burung mulai kedengeran dari kamar, doing nothing other than.. thinking. Gila kan.

I've tried guling-gulingan di kasur, bolak-balik kanan kiri, merem semerem-meremnya; tapi tetep juga gue kaga bisa tidur. Toxic banget ya pikiran manusia itu sometimes a lot of times; atau lebih tepatnya pikiran gue kali ya.

Pecah sudah rekor di dalam hidup gue. Hahaha. I am truly surprised myself. Otak gue kayaknya ga berhenti muter, sampe-sampe ngebuat mata gue berat sedikit pun ngga. Padahal triggernya hal sepele, hal kecil, hal yang harusnya udah ga nyakitin lagi buat gue karena well, I've seen, heard, and been treated worse.

But I guess that's how shitness in life works. Mereka numpuk sedikit demi sedikit and before you know it, jreng, lu udah berubah menjadi sosok yang sangat vulnerable untuk disakiti.

As I watched the sky became brighter and felt myself became calmer, gue bertanya-tanya pada diri sendiri, could this be a turning point for me? Apakah ini akan jadi moment terakhir gue being hurt by such thing? I don't know, I hope so. I never really felt this way, apalagi ngalemin melek sampe pagi kayak gini, so I was really wondering and questioning this.

Mungkin otak gue udah lelah mikirin hal ini back and forth back and forth and constantly flash-backing to the previous hurting moments seolah-olah poros hidup gue cuma di hal ini ini aja. Mungkin otak gue lagi ngambek karena hati gue ga bisa berhenti baper.

I think today, I was given long long hours buat puas-puasin mikir.. and to move on.






Dear myself,
I hope this will be the last day, and the last time you felt this way.

No,
I think this will be the last day, and the last time you felt this way.

18 November 2017

The Wrath of a Newlywed Wife.

JRENG.





Kayaknya bentar lagi gue boleh nih bikin novel dengan judul demikian. Tenang ini bukan luka KDRT dicakar suami, melainkan ga sengaja kena muncratan ludah dia yang beracun minyak panas. Udah gitu pas pertama kali kena ciprat, sang suami malah ngetawain lagi (kata doi lucu ngeliat gue lompat) hahaha ampas. Giler minyak panas itu no kidding ya. I mean gue langsung cuci tangan di air mengalir and kasih ointment dll seharian tapi tetep aja jadinya begini. Aduh gue takut lukanya berbekas.

Ok itu aja. Byeee.

Ps: Buahahaha udah lama rasanya kaga 'ngadu' ke blog kayak gini. Dulu jaman kuliah kalau ditilik balik kayaknya isi blog ini cuma curhatan ga penting gue soal assignment la, apa la; semua hal gue aduin disini. Tapi I don't think I've changed, sampe sekarang gue juga masih suka ngadu ke temen, sang suami, dan of course nyokap kok :p

Pss: ok di blog ini telah lahir label baru yakni "The Wrath of a Newlywed Wife".

15 November 2017

Cries.

Yesterday noon I cried.
I was having lunch in a restaurant,
when I had the conversation.
Loving someone dearly,
but not getting the same love returned to you,
was nothing unusual,
but every once in a while,
it feels unbelievably sadder.

And then in the evening I cried some more.
Curled up inside my car,
in a parking lot of a mall.
It's hard to think that maybe,
the problem's not with you but with them,
because there will always be voices out there,
telling you that you were not doing enough,
that you could've done better.

At midnight as I lied in bed,
I learnt to accept that no matter what,
I'm not gonna be good enough for some people.
No matter how good I try to be,
they will not see the best inside of me.
I realize the future that lies ahead of us,
is filled with disappoinment and broken hearts,
And so for the third time that day,
I cried myself to sleep.


08 November 2017

Second child.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uuuu ooooooo!

Maap I am too excited. Belum puas nih, sekali lagi ya.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uuuuuuuu wooooooooooo!!

Haha, anyway sejak setengah tahunan lalu, I thought of creating this new website / kerjaan / hobby, but finding time to actually do it is (as usual) hard. Please introduce:

Cichill






Isi blognya basically itinerary yang udah gue buat dan jalani, sekaligus reviews of how that itinerary working out dan tips-tips yang gue temuin pas traveling.

Not a biggie sih, I am just excited to start something new other than Peekmybook. Tapi nyari waktu ngurusin Cichill itu susah banget I gotta admit; gue udah ada banyak itinerary numpuk yang mau di-rewrite ke blog tapi belum sempet-sempet. Gue cuma bisa nulis kalau ada waktu senggang break dari Peekmybook. But despite all the hectic schedule, all is well, all is veryyy well :)

Semoga si Cichill panjang umur.

27 October 2017

The Bali effect.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Maap tereak kaga jelas, I'm just so excited for a couple of things!!!

1. Perjalanan ke Bali kemarin was AMAZING. Gue pengen upload foto-fotonya disini but as usual nanti ya.
2. Right now I'm working on something super exciting and I can't wait to share it with the world.

Anyway malem pertama kita balik rumah, di ranjang sang suami said this to me, "It's good ya to be back home." And yes it was F, yes it was :) <3

Seneng rasanya denger doi confirming this one more time, tentang gimana rumah yang sekarang feels like home to him. Karena kalo gue dari dulu kan emang udah sering banget pindah rumah (6 times to be exact!) jadi gue udah biasa beradaptasi, but it's different for him yang hampir ga pernah 'keluar kandang', so I was a bit worried.

Btw di hari-hari terakhir gue di Bali, kulit muka gue gosong banget karena kejemur matahari terus, sedangkan sang suami kaga. I've got pretty stupid explanation for this. Hahaha jadi sang suami pake sunblock 50 sph setiap keluar hotel, sedangkan gue prefer to use bb cream 30 sph doang karena sunblock makes your skin looks oily dan feels lengket-lengket, jadi gue males. Gue baru pake sunblocknya 10 menit sebelum berenang di pantai, which... was a wrong move.

Penampakan gue di Bali hari terakhir. What the banget kan. Hahahaha.
Yang di tengah itu om nya sang suami and he was very cool about my appearance.
No comment whatsoever.


Nah but the thing is, dari dulu gue emang lebih item dari all my siblings, dan udah terkenal banget dari jaman sekolah suka dikatain item / dekil, dan meski mulai kuliah gue aga putihan dikit, gue ga pernah jadi orang yang takut item. Do you get what I mean? I don't mind getting dark apalagi untuk liburan dan having fun di pantai kayak gini.

Nah here's the interesting part. Below is percakapan gue sama orang-orang yang pertama kali ketemu gue setelah pulang dari Bali:

1. Nyokap dan ie-ie sang suami (sebelumnya mereka berdua udah lihat foto di atas jadi udah tau gue emang iteman)

Di mobil menuju ke rumah sang suami:
C: Aduh kok gue aga ragu ya ke rumah lu. Gue udah bisa bayangin reaksi nyokap lu liat gue item begini. Haduh.
F: Ngga lah.

And then when we arrived, ada ie-ienya sang suami juga di rumah. Ibarat 10 petasan meledak bersamaan, itulah kencengnya suara mereka ketika komentarin muka gue:

M (mama mertua): Haaa! Item banget Cil!! Aduhh sayang banget! Ga sayang mukanya begitu??
I (ie-ie): Iya aduhh sampai begitu! Ga sayang? Aduh sayang bangettt.

Lalu kalimat di atas diulang at least 7 kali untuk masing-masing orang..... Kalo ada baygon depan muka gue udah gue teguk tuh sampe botolnya kosong. Gue cuma bisa cengengesan dan ngelirik sang suami dengan tatapan, "TUH KAN I TOLD YA."

Terus kadang pas lagi ngobrol dan gue lagi nyeritain pengalaman di Bali kemarin, komentar kecil yang gue terima masih juga, "Haha... sayang..." Haha mau bungee jumping dari lantai 2 ga sih kalo jadi gue.

2. Ipar sang suami (papasan sama gue pas gue mau pulang dari rumah nyokap sang suami)

X: Item banget Cil
M: *Ngakak and komentar, basically went wild again*
C: Iya Ci gue udah stress nih semua bilang begitu.

Hahaha -.- but she was very cool about it. Cuma sekali lewat doang abis itu bahas yang lain.

3. Adenya sang suami

Z: Pas lihat fotonya (foto di atas) saya kira mba-mba Ci. Pas di zoom ternyata cici.
C: *Iya-iya ho oh ho oh doang*

4. Nyokap gue sendiri (doi juga udah liat fotonya via whatsapp, jadi udah tau)

We talked about other stuffs (dokumen perlu tanda tangan lah, apa lah) for like 5 mins and she didn't comment at all. Finally I asked:

C: Ma, kok le ga komen wa iteman sih?
N: *Dengan cool* Ya udah begitu mau diapain.
C: Iya kan! Gila aku di rumah Freddy dibombardir ditanya-tanyain terus emang ga sayang mukanya jadi begitu.
N: *Dengan super cool* Nanti juga putih lagi.

T___________T gue langsung nangis bersimbah darah di lantai kamar. Haha thank God nyokap gue cool banget, I don't think I can bear to hear any kind of comments yang seolah-olah pinpointing betapa less-looking-good nya gue sekarang and how me having fun that way was a big mistake.

I appreciate her, for understanding that for me, this is worth it; that the important thing is me and F had fun and lived our newly-wed life to the fullest.

6. Sepupu cewe gue, ketemu di rumah gue.

Q: Gosong banget lu Cil.
C: Iya ni ce.
Q: *Langsung bahas hal lain*

Phew.

Gue actually ga insecure at all pas mau ke rumah nyokap di Pluit atau pas mau ketemu temen (I've met one of my friends yesterday and she was like, "Oiya lu item banget" but then ya udah selesai itu aja), cuma pas mau ke rumah sang suami aja feeling gue ga enak.

But yea anyway, no biggie, just wanna share it here for me to remember betapa langit dan buminya certain things are between our two families. Fingers crossed I will start adjusting to this new family :)

17 October 2017

Ice queen mama strikes again.

Sebelum kelupaan. Percakapan sama nyokap minggu lalu lewat telpon pas gue ngasih tau dia udah beli tiket ke Bali tanggal 18:

C: Nah sekarang wa tanya, tanggal jadian wa sama Freddy tanggal berapa hayo.
N: Ya paling pas tanggal le pergi ke Bali lah.
C: Bukannn! Tanggal 14 besok!! Aduh udah bertahun-tahun dikasih tau terus kok ga inget-inget sih???
N: *Langsung nada suara meningkat dan kaga sante* YA TANGGAL MERIT WA SAMA BAPAK LE AJA WA KAGA INGET. NGAPAIN WA INGETIN TANGGAL JADIAN LE.

HAHAHA gila ampas banget kan. Saking kagetnya denger doi setengah tereak gue sampe langsung bersujud minta maaf. Abis bersujud gue baru inget kalo kita cuma telponan dan gue actually lagi jemur baju di rumah sendiri.

Hahaha bener-bener udah frozen hatinya doi. White walker pun lewat deh.

Something like our second honeymoon.

Will be leaving to Bali tomorrow till Oct 23rd with F yaaaaaaaaay! Sebenernya kita mau leave early and celebrate our 10th year anniversary disana, tapi ga bisa karena tanggal 15 ada temen yang meritan. Nich buktinya:



Ahem, penteng abes. Ok kembali ke leptop.

We are so excited secara sang suami terakhir kali ke Bali pas doi masih kecil. Kikikikik *ketawa dengan nada meremehkan sembari nutupin bibir pake tangan kanan dan mata melirik ke doi dari kepala turun ke kaki lalu naik ke kepala lagi* Dan gilanya lagi selama jadian bertahun-tahun, kita ga pernah sekalipun ke Bali bareng!! Like whaaaaaat~ Langsung meludahi diri sendiri saking berasa hinanya.

Holidaying with him - whenever it's just the two of us - always feels exciting and unique. We decided to rent a motorcycle (YASS) dan road trip keliling-keliling macam gini:

Maybe we'll have this kind of conversation as well:
F: Kok diem Uc?
C: Punggung kamu aga bau Ej.


Cuit cuiiit. Mungkin kita akan maen dan berenang di laut malem-malem kayak ini:

F: Udah malem nih udah mau naik belom?
C: Ok bentar lagi pipis.


And maybe I'll get to see F stripping like this:

F: Panas banget ketek aku udah gerah.


Hahaha sumpah gue belum bikin itinerary AT ALL dan bisa-bisanya spend my valuable minutes nulisin beginian. Anyway I can't wait. Be back soon! Dudubay! <3

14 October 2017

Ten years.





Setengah metong bahas tabel di atas ini karena kita lupa dan kebalik-balik. Hahaha akhirnya ngubek-ngubek blog ini dan scroll Instagram gue sampe bego baru inget tahun berapa kemana. Mulai tahun depan nambah satu tanggal deh buat dirayain ^,^" (tanggal merit gais).

As my husband said just now, time truly flies for the both of us.

To many many more anniversaries to come F.

<3

Ps bonus:


07 October 2017

Dibuang sayang.

My recent Instagram stories that are worth keeping:


5 October 2017

Just now!


I saved a lot of my Instagram story videos because they're just funny and they're something that may not happen again in the future. I'll definitely post them all here one day! (Ngumpulin niat dulu yach haha.)

06 October 2017

Recent conversations.

Conversation with Sam a few days ago:

C: Sam come here please.
S: *Walk slowly mendekati gue*
C: Sini deh mau denger rekaman kamu ga waktu kecil. Lucu banget loh.
S: *Menghela nafas* Oh man, not again..

LOL HAHAHAHA gayanya kayak orang gede banget tuh anak. Anyway unlike other kids seumuran dia, doi sama sekali ga menunjukkan benih-benih genit atau centil. Diajak foto susah, dikasih liat video diri sendiri ogah, dikasih denger rekaman diri sendiri jengah. Hahaha.

---

Conversation with F yesterday night:

(Abis nonton film Pengabdi Setan, tengah malem otw pulang di mobil)

C: Filmnya banyak banget flawsnya aku bilang. Ga bagus ah. Tapi lagunya ga bisa dipungkiri serem sih.
F: Ga bisa dipungkiri ya?
C: Iya.
F: Ya udah dipungkanan aja.

... Butuh beberapa detik untuk konek. And after konek gue menyesal kenapa gue harus mencerna semua itu di kepala. I've wasted two seconds of my life. Hahahaha.

04 October 2017

Words nowadays.

"Ngomong itu gratis. Makanya banyak orang yang banyak ngomong dan banyak gaya." - sang suami, barusan di mobil.

Bituuuuuuul.

24 September 2017

Farewell.

Masih jelas rasanya memori 2 minggu lalu, ketika gue dan sang suami on the way ke rumah sakit malem-malem untuk ngasih obat ke om gue. He was sick, very sick. And the day before, gue dan sang suami minta ijin ke keluarga inti dan keluarga besar gue untuk nyobain metode pengobatan baru yang sang suami pelajari sendiri dari internet.

That night, as F hold my hand in the car, I prayed really hard to God.. and I asked Him to grant us not miracle, but simply time.. I asked God to give us more time to try on this new medication. Every day ever since that day was.. nerve wrecking. We were hopeful, but we were scared. Dan Tuhan memang maha baik. Kita semua diberikan waktu seminggu lebih lagi untuk bisa bersama om gue. Beliau sempat membaik, tapi karena satu dan lain hal, he kept deteriorating.

During that time, gue terkagum-kagum melihat betapa kuatnya sodara-sodara nyokap gue, bahu membahu bersatu saling memberikan mental dan financial support di masa-masa sulit ini. Ga sekali dua kali rasa menyesal datang di antara kita semua.. Kadang kita berpikir ada yang harusnya bisa dilakukan lebih, ada yang harusnya dilakukan secara berbeda, ada yang harusnya tidak dilakukan dari awal.. thus I once told my mom and aunt, "We have tried our best, tapi pada akhirnya tetap Tuhan yang menentukan. Ie-ie, kuku, tio-tio sudah melakukan yang maksimal dan terbaik, kita bantu doa dan kasih penghiburan aja dari samping. Sisanya kita berpasrah aja jangan ada yang disesali. Pada akhirnya jalan Tuhan akan selalu indah dan tidak pernah salah."

Kotbah di gereja kemarin malam mengatakan,

bahwa rencana manusia tidak selalu sama dengan rencana Tuhan.

That's right. Malam ini.. despite everything that happened, gue dan family member lainnya percaya, rencanaNya adalah yang terbaik untuk om gue dan kita semua.

Selamat jalan Jiku.

Terima kasih untuk semua perhatian, pelajaran dan bantuan-bantuan yang pernah Jiku berikan. Kejenakaan Jiku dan canda tawa yang pernah kita bagi akan selalu wa bawa di dalam ingatan. Semoga Jiku bisa beristirahat di dalam damai.

Amin.


Bout last night.

Percakapan sama sang suami di mobil tengah malem pas jalan pulang:

C: Ih ini enak banget nih. Salah satu lagu mereka yang aku paling suka. Susah banget judulnya Decalcomanie. Gatau artinya apa.

5 menit kemudian setelah lagu berganti..

F: Hayo tadi judul lagunya apa?
C: Um.. Decol.. maponie?
F: *Geleng-geleng*
C: Ng, Decalmopanie?
F: *Geleng-geleng*
C: Decol..
F: Decal.
C: Oo Decal.. mopanie? (Nyoba lagi kali bener lol)
F: Bukan.
C: Apa si lupa.
F: Decalcomanie.
C: Hah Decalcomanie?? (Kaget, kok aneh bener kayak ga pernah denger...)

Langsung gue cek di iPod, and jrit, tentu sahaja doski benar 😅

18 September 2017

Current state of mind.

Got this from a friend and damn it hit me right in the feels.

Recently this has been me & my husband cause of disagreement. He has always been a person who loves to spend day and night with friends, go out at midnight and go home at dawn. I on the other hand, um, let's say I'm the opposite.

He loves having second round of hanging out. Like going to a friend's place at midnight after we have just finished watching movie. Or going out to eat at 11:30 pm. Or meeting a friend or two at 11 pm which meeting I know will last until 3 or 4 in the morning.

For me, there was a time in my life where I would go out all day long with my friends from noon till midnight; where 11 pm was too early to go home and 2 am was still the perfect time to hang out. But even when I was younger, I never liked leaving my house late at night. Going out from noon to midnight was okay, but leaving my house late always give me a sense of insecurity. And also maybe because my room was getting cozier at night so I was just lazy to move away from that comfort zone.

Now that I am older, that laziness has grown more and more, making me more of a homebody. I have changed while my husband is still pretty much the same.

Since we always go anywhere together, recently there has been a couple of upsetting moments for both of us when we have to decide between 'where to go next' and 'can we just go home'. There was a night when he told me that he thinks who I am today is not bad, but less good than who I was back then. Sadness came rushing to me, making me think how it's enough for me to spend the weekend just the two of us, watching movie together, and how the same thing is not enough to keep him fulfilled.

But being a (hopefully pretty wise) adult, I don't want to turn a blind eye on his need as a young man. He's a married man, yes, but he's still young. And maybe, I don't know if this is true, but maybe, most men are all like that. They have longer period of time in life to be playful and they long for late night hang outs more than women. Maybe.

After our talk that night, I was sort of clouded by his words, and I thought to myself, "Why am I being such a boring person now. Is this not right?" But then my friend randomly gave me the screenshot I posted above, and bam, just like that I felt very much relieved. Most of the time it's always my husband who lifts me up with encouragement, so when he said what he said about me turning into someone less good, I didn't know how to speak up for myself. I have grown to be very dependant on what he said about me, and his label sort of making me think that I was deteriorating as a person. But life is funny. Just when I thought I am maybe indeed becoming a worse version of my old self, words from a stranger on the internet were sent to me and they actually managed to calm me down. I regained my composure and I finally realized, that after being almost 10 years together and almost never be apart from each other, maybe it's time for me and my husband to live our social lives separately and independently.

I told him just last night, that we don't have to keep arguing over different preferences on how to spend the weekend, what time and with whom we want to hang out. It's okay to do things our own ways, and it's fine to be separated from each other from time to time. And then I read him the words on that screenshot, and I said,

"I don't think I am being less good. I think I'm growing up. And it's okay that you don't understand. I too, keep telling myself that it is okay to change and be different from who I used to be."

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