02 August 2017

Our kind of day and the importance of our new home.

Udah pagi. Kamar kita udah terang benderang dipenuhi cahaya matahari yang anget, yet I felt cold. You see, before getting married, I always timer my aircon off around 2-3 in the morning. Sedangkan sang suami dari dulu terbiasa tidur pake AC (plus kaga pake selimut lagi! Haha). Gue liat hp, jam 7 pagi, I then proceed to turn off the aircon manually, terus gue tidur lagi sampe kebelet jam 8an. I woke up, kencing, tidur-tiduran, main hp sampe jam 8:45.

Ga lama setelah gue bangun, sang suami juga kebangun. Udah jadi rutinitas dia untuk buka gorden dan jendela supaya kamar dapet udara luar dan terang. He made our bed and went downstairs to water our tiny garden. Biasanya ini jadi tugas gue karena most of the time he woke up later than me, but this morning he did it without me asking or reminding him (yaaayyyy).

While he did all those stuffs, gue cuci pakaian dalem sekalian keramas, terus masukin baju kotor ke mesin cuci. Lalu sang suami otak-atik kerjaan kopi dia sementara gue di dapur siapin breakfast simple: bread toast with sugar and messes ceres. Begitu breakfast ready, gue tereak dari bawah manggil doi terus buru-buru nyirem tanaman-tanaman yang baru gue beli dan mulai pelihara, and then jemur mereka di tempat yang kena cahaya matahari.







Jam 10:30 pagi setelah selesai breakfast, sang suami buatin coffee cube buat entar siang, sementara gue nyiapin marinated chicken untuk makan siang nanti. After that kita pisah jalan. Sang suami naik ke kamar, mandi, beres-beres, dan gue masuk ke this little office, ngeblog sembari nyeruput ice green tea yang udah disiapin di kulkas sama sang suami dari kemarin malem.

And that's how we started today.

Usually every day, kita akan sama-sama kerja di siang hari, sang suami di lantai 2, gue di lantai 1 (sengaja bok denahnya dibuat begini supaya kaga berantem meski ketemu tiap hari xD ahahahaha), terus sekitar jam 12 gue akan masak, dan jam 1 an kita akan have lunch together. Abis itu pisah lantai lagi or sometimes sang suami stay di lantai 1 di ruang tamu untuk bales-bales chat client dan lain-lain.

Around jam 4, either gue atau suami akan nyirem our tiny garden again (2 minggu pertama nanem rumput disuruh nyirem 2x sehari bok, phew) and then around 5, gue akan start preparing dinner dan as usual we'll have our dinner together as well.

Abis itu of course beres-beres dapur dan lanjut kerja lagi masing-masing. Gue dan sang suami baru masuk bedroom rata-rata jam 9-11 malem every single day (no kidding!) haha that's how hard we work during the day! :') And last, sang suami wants us to always close our day with this habit before any of us doze off: kissing. <3

HAHA.. kok aga malu ya nyeritainnya wkwk. But I'm glad I've won the heart of this sweet guy, karena kalo ngarepin gue se-sweet itu sih.. kayaknya dunia bisa keburu flat duluan. Hahaha.

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Ok that's just the beginning of this post. Now to the more serious part.

I can't express how grateful I am for this life I am sharing with him right now. Every day is.. beautiful. And all the small bickering and clashes make this house feels more like home. It's beautiful to have a space where we can slowly adjusting to each other and learning to work together as a team. It's beautiful that we have this freedom of choosing what we want to eat, what we want to do, where we want to go, every day, without minding other people because we only have each other to think of in this place. It's beautiful to be able to start this sacred journey called marriage in a place we both feel like we belong to; in a place where the only thing that matters is him, me, and our happiness.

One of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life is this: starting my married life in this place we call home.

I have said this before in this blog, and many many times before in real life, and I don't think I can ever feel enough of expressing this happiness.

Girls, if I may share some tips untuk memulai hidup rumah tangga yang baik: kalau kalian punya pilihan untuk tinggal berdua dengan suami setelah menikah, choose that option. Kalau kalian ga punya pilihan itu, try to fight for it. Kalau bener-bener mentok ga ada pilihan lain, ya udah jalanin opsi yang ada. Tapi kalau memang dari awal kalian ngerasa lebih nyaman tinggal sama ortu atau mertua, go for it! Ga ada satu cara fix yang jadi resep pasti untuk hidup bahagia, we all can have different preferences, options, life decisions and still live an equally happy life.

Right now, in this post, I want to share one of my recipes behind my happy life, and as you all can probably guess already, that is living together as newlyweds with F, only the two of us, in our new house.

Around the beginning of this year I found this article and ever since that day, my understanding about relationship and family changed forever.

Just in case this gets deleted in the future, I copy pasted the content here.
Mike Berry, thank you for writing this. It is spot on right away for me.


"A healthy marriage is the cornerstone of the home. The cornerstone of your family is not your children. They are a part of the foundation and make up a major part of the structure, but they’re not the main thing that holds this whole beautiful mess together. That’s you — you and your wife, you and your husband, you and your partner.

Before they existed it was the two of us. We were the beginning. We kicked this whole party off. Then these beautiful children came along. And we’re sure thankful they did because they fill our life with so much joy. But, our union is sacred. Our union is holy. With all of our power we must protect that sacredness.

Our darlings are going to grow up and move out of our nest at some point. I don’t know about you, but there’s no room for a 30-year-old kid in my basement. After they’re out in the world, living on their own, raising their own family, being the human beings they were meant to be, it will be just the two of us once again. And we want us to be healthy, strong, and still as committed as we were when we first began this journey. In order to make sure the future us is protected, we must put us first today."

Gila kan? Gila. Menurut gue pribadi artikel ini bagus sekali... sebenarnya inti artikelnya ga 100% nyambung sama apa yang gue bahas sekarang, tapi lumayan nyerempet in my opinion. Anyway this article tells us untuk tetap fokus mencintai pasangan kita sampai selama-lamanya, even ketika nanti kita udah beranak-pinak. Ba to the gus banget. Eye opening banget buat seorang Asian woman macem gue haha. And never had I ever think about that before! Those words make sense. Gue masih suka in awe kalo bahas hal ini. It's deep, and I can totally learn something from it.

Kalau kita mau memulai hidup berkeluarga yang bahagia, first, suami dan istri di keluarga itu harus berbahagia terlebih dulu. And then the happiness of their kids will follow. Of course bisa aja anaknya eventually hidup bahagia meski tumbuh melihat orang tuanya ga akur atau broken, tapi tentu aja jalan anak itu untuk menemukan his / her own happiness pasti jauh lebih berbatu-batu. Setelah punya anak, don't shift your first priority to them, don't. Your first priority in life should remain as you and your spouse's relationship and happiness. Nah, this is the important part.

When building a family, our first priority must be our happiness as husband and wife. Menurut gue penting untuk anak muda yang baru menikah untuk move out dan start their own family in a separate house (if they have this choice, if they don't then it's a completely different circumstance). I think we can all agree lebih mudah untuk membangun keluarga yang bahagia di awal pernikahan kita kalau kita tinggal berdua aja dengan pasangan di rumah terpisah. Of course tinggal dengan orang tua atau mertua bukan berarti buruk, dan tinggal berduaan aja bukan berarti selalu baik, but in my opinion, it's easier for the newlyweds to start their families that way. Lebih mudah juga bagi mereka untuk bonding berdua dan melakukan hal-hal seperti yang gue highlight pake warna ungu di awal blogpost ini. Focus on building your little family. Dan seperti kata si Mike Berry, your parents should focus on theirs as well. Nanti kalo kita udah punya anak, teach them everything we can and let them go when it's time.

Tinggal berdua juga gives me and sang suami the luxury of feeling comfortable around each other. Kita bisa truly menjadi diri kita sendiri tanpa takut dikritik orang tua / mertua. Kita bisa mandiri, sorting out how to run a family and a house on our own, bukannya dikit-dikit tanpa sadar 'dibantu' orang lain. Kita bisa truly step up our game as adults. We're gonna need all the privacy we can get di awal-awal hubungan pernikahan, because trust me, meski udah kenal dan pacaran lama, tetap akan ada banyak banget hal yang perlu dibicarakan, didiskusiin, disortir, dicari penyebab dan jalan keluarnya.

All this private space and time allows us to grow closer faster, to know each other better, and to love and forgive one another more.

I've seen and witnessed with my own eyes, teman atau kenalan yang orang tuanya ga bisa ngelepas anaknya setelah merit, atau anaknya yang ga bisa lepas dari momongan orang tuanya setelah merit.

So, my suggestion (cie kepo sok kasih wejangan, haha ga lah iseng doang gais, lagian sabodo lah ye wong ini blog gue, ya uda ga usa lebay, kepanjangan nih dalem kurungnye) untuk cewe atau cowo yang akan menikah, yang kebetulan baca ini: usahakan berpikir dan bertindak mandiri the moment you guys decided to get married. Pernikahan itu datang dengan bejibun tanggung jawab dan 'melepaskan diri' dari orang tua hanya salah satu bentuk yang paling sepele. And of course, usahakan punya tempat tinggal sendiri sebisa mungkin. Atau kalau belum bisa, set your goal to achieve that soon after your marriage. It's a very important key to a happy marriage.

Untuk cewe-cewe yang terlalu ter-attach ke orang tuanya: leave your comfort zone and look forward to building a new one. After all you're gonna spend the rest of your life with the man you have chosen so you might as well start as soon as you can! Gue kebetulan selalu manja di mulut ke nyokap tapi ga pernah manja di hati (you know, all those cheesy stuffs like kangen, depends on her, blablabla - ahem kecuali pas sakit gue kinda needy of my mom's attention and care HAHA ok itu mah namanya manja ye sama aje. Ok sip, kembali ke leptop.)

Biasakan jangan dikit-dikit minta tolong, atau mengeluh bahwa you can't do this or that, you don't know how to do this or that; there's always a point in our lives where we have to start learning and stop making our parents worry! Gue juga pastinya masih belajar untuk jadi anak yang lebih mandiri, setrong and ga suka ngadu. Wahaha ngaku sendiri, yap gue suka dikit-dikit cerita ke nyokap about my problems. Sebelum gue merit nci pertama gue pesen, kalo nanti setelah menikah gue ga boleh dikit-dikit cerita kesusahan gue ke nyokap, karena meski ga keliatan, itu biasa aja bikin dia sedih dan kepikiran.

We should show our parents that we are capable of living well on our own because really, we have no other choice; our parents won't be around forever. And only by living well on our own and stop receiving from them that we can start focusing on giving them back: membalas budi mereka dengan kasih sayang, perhatian, dan of course DUWIT pake huruf kapital hahaha.

Nah, untuk cowo-cowo yang terlalu ter-attach ke orang tuanya: um.. I don't know what to say really, karena sang suami ga kayak gitu, jadi gue ga bisa terlalu kasih masukan. Hal ini jadi mengingatkan gue gimana di tahun ke 4 atau 5 kita jadian, di saat kita belum pernah bahas topik 'we will get married', sang suami pernah bilang ke gue kalau setelah merit dia gamau tinggal sama orang tuanya. And since I was a teenager, I always want the same thing for me and my future husband. Ga pernah terbersit gue pengen tinggal serumah sama nyokap. Aga jahat ya kedengerannya since my mom has been jomblo for a long time hahahaha, tapi nyokap gue selalu ngomong hal serupa juga, bahwa dia gamau tinggal sama menantu untuk menghindari ketidaknyamanan, and to make sure we live our lives comfortably. Jadi singkat kata, gue dan sang suami are lucky to be on the same page about this.

Anyway kembali ke topik tadi tentang cowo yang telalu nempel ke ortunya. Mungkin harusnya masukan soal ini datang dari sesama cowo kali ya? But I guess from a woman's point of view.. we would love to have a partner whom we can trust and rely on, and to be that kind of partner, I guess one has to stop relying on other people especially his parents in the first place. Does it make any sense? Ok move on. Haha.

Gila I don't know where does all of this come from, I guess it's just something random that I have in my head. I don't mean to menggurui atau sok pinter, just simply pouring out my thoughts and in no way I was judging other people. It's a sincere suggestion I want to give based on my own experience. But everyone has their own ways of thinking and living life and we all find happiness in different places, so at the end of the day, you do whatever things that make yourself happy, okay? :)

Dudubay!

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